I've been toying for awhile with the idea of moving to a new blog.
My last blog, Kids and Wings, was born when our second child Poppy passed away. She was diagnosed with a condition called Congenital Heart Block in utero and at 34 weeks she went into heart failure and passed away. We are heading rapidly towards her 10th birthday which seems impossible to believe. The hurt of losing her, of the grief and the road back out of the deep, dark hole we found ourselves in after her death.
The blog told our story and shared the ways our life changed after losing Poppy. It also outlined the crazy, heartbreaking journey to have a rainbow baby. The baby loss world is full of terms I hadn't heard before. Our eldest son, Xavier, was 5 when Poppy died. He is our Sunshine. The kid certainly brought the sunshine when we were in the midst of the storm of grief when we lost our first daughter. A baby born following a loss is known as a 'rainbow baby', signifying that after ever storm, a rainbow can appear.
Unfortunately for us, our path to our rainbow baby took 11 rounds of IVF, 2 further miscarriages, and almost 5 years of trying to hold on to hope. There are no other words; it was gruelling.
Finally in 2016, Hugo came bursting into the world, crying his lungs out. He had a shock of bright red hair and despite being 4 weeks early, he was a whopping 8 pounds 8 ounces. Finally our rainbow joined our family and he was perfect!
I always felt I wanted another baby. We had 1 frozen embryo left from the same IVF round in which Hugo was conceived. Glen and I weren't on the same page regarding having another bubba, so that little frozen embryo sat in the freezer for 5 years.
Then, Covid hit. There is something about Pandemics that really makes you reevaluate life (I think? I mean my experience with pandemics is a little thin on the ground). We had to make a decision; do we discard our embryo and enjoy our life with our gorgeous boys and Poppy above? Or do we give it one last crack and see what happens?
Well, you've probably guessed what happened. In the height of our second tough lockdown, at the ripe old age of 41, we transferred our last little embryo and began my 10th pregnancy. Somehow, miracle of miracles, things went pretty smoothly until 35 weeks and 1 day when our little baby decided she was coming whether we were ready or not. I went into labour, and due to having 3 previous c sections, my scar was NOT a fan of contractions. Suddenly my routine check up with my OB became 'Ring Glen, we're prepping to deliver as soon as he arrives.' Not quite how I thought my Thursday would go, that's for sure!
At 2.46pm, tiny Adeline came into the world. She was tiny, smaller that any of our other babies, even Poppy. All 5 pounds 12 ounces of her went straight to Special Care where she spent a few weeks whilst her lungs healed and developed. She showed us right from the start that she had fire in her belly, giving the nurses hell by removing her own NG tube constantly, refusing to lay on her side if she wasn't in the mood and demanding food constantly.
We're finding our feet having 3 kids at home, especially as Addie's 6 months here with us has been mostly in lockdown. Xav can't go to school and is remote learning. Hugo hasn't been to Kindergarten for months and needs constant entertainment. Addie, of course, likes to be held and cuddles at all times. Glen is working at work and from home and trying to study as well. Life is hectic, but that's our perfectly imperfect life!
So, back to starting a new blog.
I just felt I needed to start again to share some perspective as a mum who's journeyed through a lot to get here. In the 15 years since becoming a mum I've learned a few things, failed a bunch of times, discovered some things that really matter to me and realised that lots of things don't really matter that much.
This is my 'I've-lost-a-baby-survived-IVF-suffered-miscarriages-been-a-rainbow-mum-struggled-with-anxiety-A-LOT-found-hope-learned-some-stuff' Blog. I plan to makes it a bit eclectic. Might share some recipes, perhaps some activities I do with the kids, likely lots of parenting fails, and a couple of heartfelt lessons I've learnt along the way.
With a bit of luck, you won't hate reading it lol.
Signing Off,
Mumma Bec
